My father was in the middle of fifteen children. My mother is the oldest of ten. Catholic families. Close families. We know there was some dysfunction and minor separation within families, but that was minimal and when we were all together we all blended into the fold and were just happy to see each other. Holidays, weddings, funerals, brunches, graduations, ball games and barbecues, We watched each other grow and bloom from children to teens to adults. We did so with faith, fear, unity, support, laughter, tears and eachothers' undying friendship.
Looking back, I am thankful for the cousin experience. I can not imagine my life without those bonds. The four children in my family were all adopted. We were loved deeply and cherished by our parents. But we could not have known, upon being welcomed into our immediate family, that we would inherit the larger love of a close-knit extended family. As we settled into our lives as children, we were sprinkled into the mix of cousins, finding those near our age and sharing much in common.
I think I remember the teen years most of all. I struggled to belong in the harsh reality of adolescence, wanting respect and acceptance from my school peers. For whatever reason, I didn't feel like I fit and it was a huge burden for me at the time. Those family gatherings impressed on me that there was a place I would always belong. While there was some level of competition with cousins, there was a larger perception of us as a team (confirmed in the many pictures of us together over the years.) I played sports with my cousins. We discovered music and movies together. We danced, we sang. We made dares and took risks. We shared secrets and made promises. Sometimes we made mistakes...together. We challenged each other and we praised each other.
I am far from my big family now. I chose to be where I am and I have few regrets. Short visits back to Iowa remind me how much I miss that incredible group of people though. I am grateful for all the time I have had with them and look so forward to sharing my family even more in the years to come.
A few anecdotes, mostly for cousins who will read. Two weeks of golf, swimming, Batman, Steve Martin, then eating Maderites and playing on the plane in Marshalltown with Pat and Greg every summer. Jimmy, Tony and me as the three musketeers. Having peanut butter and honey sandwiches and sugared cereal at the Reidy's (things my frugal, health-conscious mother denied us). Singing Bad Bad Leeroy Brown, more than once with McGrane-side cousins. The awe of visiting my cousin Jimmy Craig who was allowed to drive a golf cart at age 10 (on the course where his dad was the pro.) Getting to hang in the country with Tony and shooting a bee bee gun for the first time...Labor Days at that house, one where we picnicked under ominous clouds and saw Martin and Lewis reunite on the Telethon. Sharing my graduation celebration with my cousin John (who stole the name I was to have because he was born first! So I got Timothy John.) Meeting up with Cara in college and sharing stories, since she roomed with a high school friend of mine and mourning Cara too few years later. A poignant moment with my cousin Jim Reidy on a busy night before his wedding, singing Elton John songs while he played the piano. Oh, I forgot, a memorable kegger with aforementioned Jim Reidy where some aunts paid us a visit (party poopers) and Jim...split! Many more simple yet wondrous moments that won't fit into the space of my brain or this blog.
Facebook has changed life for us all. Now we know things we would never contact each other to tell. But we can celebrate the high points of our lives and support each other during the low points, even from miles and miles away. Cousins, I love you all!
