Coach T.

We have a good football team. We are great. We are the best. And our lineman are HUGE. Before each game, we have a pep rally. We have the best pep rallies! Nobody has better pep rallies than we do. Our pep rallies are so great that we got people who never watched football before coming to our rallies. Our game strategy is to just hit as hard as we can. I’m the coach. I don’t have a problem if my guys get so amped up that they take head shots at guys from the other team. If fans from other teams sit in our bleachers, they deserve what they get. Hell, I’ll pay the legal fees if my fans get in any trouble.

The other teams, they don’t like us. They say that we play too rough. They say we play dirty.They say we don’t have any strategy, just muscle.  Some of them come to our rallies and yell things about us while we’re trying to get our fans excited. Well, they get what they deserve. And if they don’t stop it, I’m going to sue them. I should sue them, right? They are denying me my free speech. Not sure what amendment that is, but pretty sure it’s an amendment.

We are going to make football great again. Football is weak right now. So weak. A bunch of weaklings. So we’re gonna’ win. We will make fun of other coaches; insult their size and brag about the size of my (you know what). I am going to keep baseball players out! No baseball players. Soccer players; well that’s not even an American sport! I’m going to build a wall so no soccer players can get in and I’ll get the soccer players to pay for it! Well, a lot of the kickers come from the ranks of soccer players, but it’s hard to get American kickers. It’s a tough market. I’m forced to use them. No choice. No player’s union either. Why would they need a union. I’m a great coach. They love me!

If someone on another team does something illegal and terrible to anyone on my team, I will kill their family. Because the family knows. They are guilty too. Children? Well, the parents brought it upon the children. It was their fault. I am going to keep my team safe. Other teams and other sports will fear my team! Those other coaches are pu**ies. I’m the best coach. Football is a business and I know about business. I’ll make the best trades for the best players. Other coaches will pay me to take their best players. That’s how good I am.

If the league decides my team shouldn’t get to play in the championship game, I think there might be a riot. Bad things might happen. People will be out of control. I wouldn’t tell anyone to make trouble, but hey, that’s what football fans want. Trouble.

Would you let him coach your kid’s team????